Travel

I want to travel. I mean it. I have to. I mean, I know people that took their pick of hookers in Amsterdam's red-light district every night for a week, a guy that spent the last 6 months traveling across India, China, the Mt. Everest, Australia, and Japan...I was watching WWF SummerSlam 1993 and realized that even these spandex-wearing steroid-guzzling goons have been to AT LEAST every state in the union plus Mexico and Canada.

Meanwhile, I've been sitting in an office chair getting fat. Literally. I'm measurably farther away from my computer screen than I used to be because my gut won't fit under the desk anymore. Sexy right?

Eh look, I sound ok on paper right? I've got a decent job in Marketing, but I never had to sell out in college to get it, i.e. I never took classes I didn't want to take just for the sake of a degree and I got to do what I wanted...philosophy, greek civilization, American Prose before the Civil War.

I met a good friend of mine, Laura, in the latter class, and she's since gone off to China, taught English for a SOLID YEAR, then decided she wanted to do it a bit longer so she re-upped for six more months. Oh, and she got engaged while she was there.

I saw her last week, at a sort of "Nice-to-See-You" party while she was briefly in town. We were at the apartment of a giant Frenchman named Gui, who, after serving pizza spoke to the other people there like it was the most natural and obvious thing in the world for him to guide, direct, and nurture and spirits, questions, and ideas of his friends. It was natural. Though that particular gathering was due to Laura's coming home, those people are there EVERY week, as he leads a Christian Apology group. I like talking to people like that. It reassures me that for every dumbass out there, there is an equal amount of brilliant, intelligent people. And which am I? And how will I know which I am by getting fat in an office chair in the Financial district?

So what should I do? Should I go teach in China? Travel all over the world? Become a professional wrestler?

You know, sometimes becoming a professional wrestler doesn't sound so bad. It sounds dangerous, filthy, and exciting. I mean, I've been a fan of the product, the tv show, since I was a kid, but I'm aware of what kind of people these must be: they will pretend to get hurt in one way live in front of a crowd, while slowing grinding down their bodies with constant travel and a blinding-pace schedule behind the scenes. I've seen independent wrestling shows where surly Best Buy stock boys pull their bike shorts over their guts and throw each other around a sweat-stained canvas in a gymnasium with no air conditioning, while their friends sit in the audience and chat "You fucked up!" And we've all seen backyard wrestling on the news right? Does that look fun? No. It looks absolutely brutal, unrewarding, and painful. But right now, when I think about, it actually appeals to me. Do you guys get what I'm saying?

I'm so starved for adventure I'm thinking professional wrestling sounds like a cool thing to do. Take a good look at this video. It's a fight between two guys named Butcher. THAT is what I'm currently hankering to do. You feel me?




I'm so starved for adventure, I used to sit at work and read FMylife.com, because hey, misery done love some company.

I just read a book called Travels by Michael Crichton. Yes I know I know, he's the Jurassic Park guy. Sure that's fine. His books aren't rocket science, but he writes well enough to sell his goddamn books, and most "real" authors can't boast that. Jonathan Safran Foer might be the best damn new young author this side of Michael Chabon, but ain't no one buying your books, Johnny. And Michael Crichton is practically a household.

Anyway, Travels isn't an action-adventure thriller or whatever, in fact it's not even fiction. It's a sort of travel-log/psychological self-profile from this dude who was a doctor, a movie director, an actor, a world traveler, and goddamn world traveler, oh, and apparently, a psychic.

And me? I'm in internet marketing, thank you.

What's internet marketing? Oh, well, you know that regular type of marketing, the kind on tv, and magazines and billboards and movie trailers? Well, internet marketing is kind of like that, except you can ignore the hell out of it with absolutely no effort. Cha-motherfucking-ching.

Oh, and so you guys don't think I'm a complete cranky-ass, here's an improv scene I did back in March:




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CICdOuO6j0